Seeking Redemption
by SmileyHalo
Summary: [Formerly known as Redemption]. When you've done the unforgivable, how do you make the one you love understand? Charlie seeks redemption for his sins, but what will he find? Rated for minor language. Should eventually be CC
1. Chapter 1

"Dude, you look awful," Hurley said as he sat down on the sand beside Charlie. Charlie glanced at him for a second, eyes narrowed, before returning to his watch on the shelters that littered the shoreline ahead of him, empty fingers twitching restlessly.

"Thanks a lot for stating the bloody obvious Hurley, I'll make sure I turn to you the next time I need a consultation with my own talking mirror," he snapped.

"Sorry man, I'll leave you to…. whatever it is that you're doing here."

Hurley made as if to get up, but his curiosity got the better of him, and so he remained sitting, watching Charlie intently.

"I thought you said you were going," Charlie said gruffly, continuing to stare ahead of him. Hurley shifted uncomfortably, part of him still wondering whether he should just leave. But his friend's odd behaviour kept him rooted to the spot, and a few moments later he finally plucked up the courage to obey the demands of his curiosity.

"Dude, what exactly are you doing?" he asked cautiously.

"Keeping watch on them," he stated simply, pointing vaguely to the spot some metres away where a young blonde woman was sat cradling a small baby, rocking him gently in her arms as he began to cry. "Someone has to. He's not exactly doing the bloody brilliant job he promised is he? I mean, he's off at the sodding hatch half the bloody day, and she's left there all alone. What happens if they come back and try and take her again? Her precious Locke certainly won't be there. She needs me."

It wasn't just his fingers that now twitched in his agitated state; first his feet then his legs began to move, and before Hurley was even sure Charlie was finished talking, he had got to his feet and begun walking away from him, in the direction of Claire and her baby.

"I don't think that's such a good idea man," Hurley called after him. "I mean, I don't think she's quite over the fact you tried to drown the little dude, I reckon she would think you've totally lost it if you go striding over there claiming she needs to be saved from something no one can even see."

Charlie stopped dead in his tracks and turned, struggling to keep his voice even as he spoke, quietly but menacingly nonetheless, eyes flashing with anger.

"Firstly, I don't need to be able to see them every second of the bloody day to know the Others are still out there. They hung me from a tree Hurley, and they took her and did God knows what to her and got away with it. But they're still out there, still watching. People seem to forget that, like it's nothing, but it bloody well is alright?"

Hurley was allowed a brief, frightened nod before Charlie continued.

"Secondly, I wasn't trying to drown him; I was trying to save him. Why can't anyone see that? Doesn't she understand that she needs me, to save them both? She needs to understand!"

He made as if to keep on walking, but Hurley cut across his path and planted himself firmly in front of him, blocking his way. Charlie tried to push past him, but Hurley grasped him firmly by the shoulders, and despite Charlie's struggles, refused to let him go.

"Hurley, get off me!" he snarled.

"No dude, I'm not letting you do this. It's not going to help your case if you go up to her shouting like that, all crazy and wild-eyed and stuff, it's just going to scare her, and I know you don't want that."

His words slowly began to sink in and after a few seconds Charlie stopped struggling and went limp in Hurley's grasp, staring up at him as though really seeing him for the first time that morning. His voiced softened as he spoke; it was quiet, full of weary resignation.

"You're right mate, I'm sorry; I just need some sleep I think. I haven't managed to get much kip these past couple of days……. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Alright, take it easy okay?"

Charlie nodded and was quickly gone from Hurley's sight. He smiled to himself.

"Super Hurley does it again! Problem dealt with everyone, no need to worry!" he shouted, attracting odd looks from some of his fellow islanders gathering fruit nearby from some of the trees on the outskirts of the jungle. He shrugged; he was used to those. If only he had known that the problem was only just beginning……

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A/N: short first chapter I know, but please let me know what you think. Any comments, questions or suggestions, let me know and I will get back to you. Sorry if this chapter was slow but it is going somewhere, I promise, so if you like it stick with it!

Until next time…….

SmileyHalo


	2. Chapter 2

His body relaxed as the sweet smell of incense enveloped his senses, calming his raging spirit and warming his heart. It had been so long since he had been in a place like this and felt the way he was feeling now; welcomed, loved, forgiven.

_Why did I ever leave you behind?_

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After his first ever fix, he had come here seeking forgiveness. It was a mistake; the slate could be wiped clean again, one sin would not mark him down for a ticket to hell.

"_Forgive me father, for I have sinned."_

"_How long has it been since your last confession?" _

"_A month Father."_

_He could practically feel the heat of the priest's disapproval burning through the thin wooden wall that separated them. He coughed nervously, fingers tapping restlessly against his knees as he began to speak._

"_The first sin I would like to confess is the use of illicit substances…."_

After his first confession, a weight was lifted from his shoulders. He felt free again, pure, absolved of all sin. After his next confession, just a day after, he didn't feel quite so guiltless. Over the coming months, when the world of sex, drugs and rock and roll all became a sin-filled blur, even daily confession did nothing to dispel the weight that was threatening to crush his very being. But he couldn't stop; he was addicted, to the fame, the sex, the drugs. Something had to give; there had to be a price. His immortal soul would do. No more church, no more faith, nothing left now for Charlie Pace…..

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_You remember Charlie. It was the drugs. The drugs took away everything that you ever wanted. Maybe now you can get them back._

He walked slowly through the sets of pews that lined the church, entranced by the many candles that flickered from a small shrine at the front of the room, lights dancing feverishly in the cold draft that swept through the building. The smell of incense and the smell of age combined to create a scent that now evoked comfort where once it had evoked dread and loathing. He no longer felt judged as he did the last time he had visited. He felt like he belonged. Or at least he would, once he had confessed.

Walking swiftly the last few metres that separated him from the confession booth, he slipped silently inside. The curtain separating him from his priest was pulled sharply across. He could feel already the heat again from yet another accusing stare.

_Nothing's changed after all. Do you really think you belong here, after all that you've done?_

**_God teaches forgiveness. Why not test him, find out whether he's a faker like the rest of us?_**

Charlie gulped nervously, took a deep breath and began.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

The reply came back immediately, but it wasn't exactly what he had been expecting.

"Another low for Charlie Pace. Just when you think he's hit rock bottom, _bump_, down he goes again!"

This wasn't the way things were supposed to go. The priest was supposed to be helpful, not judgemental, was supposed to be kind, not mocking. And the priest wasn't supposed to be his brother either.

"Liam?" he asked, unable to keep the shock from his voice.

"It is indeed baby brother. Surprised?"

Charlie barely had time to take a breath before Liam plunged on, voice growing louder and louder as his venomous rant went on, becoming so caught up in his feelings that he was no longer aware of those of the baby brother he had once so adored.

"You know what, I was surprised too Charlie, when I heard what you've been up to. It wasn't a nice surprise either, to find that my brother tried to drown a little baby. What's happened to you Charlie? You're supposed to be the good one, the one with his head screwed on, the one in control. But you're just a waster, a heroin-addicted thug. Confession isn't going to get you anywhere; you're past redemption now, so why don't you just get out before you contaminate this place with your filth and destroy it, just like you have every other good thing that comes in to your life!"

Charlie was speechless. Every word his brother had said had cut him like a knife, and that was because every word was true. It wasn't worth trying to justify what he did to Aaron anymore, he realised, because no matter how much he dressed it up, the bare fact of the matter was that, accidental or not, he had almost drowned the closest thing he had, and would probably ever have, to a son.

Liam was right. He destroyed everything good that he touched. This new found sanctuary, it was turning foul now too. The scent of incense was no longer a comfort to him. Its fumes were sickly, winding their intoxicating way in to his throat and lungs and choking him, slowly, painfully. No less than he deserved, he supposed, but he was a coward and, deserved or not, he was determined to escape this torment.

Lungs burning, craving air, he ran. He ran so fast that his legs shook from the exertion; he was seconds away from collapsing. But mere seconds were all he needed to escape. Then he was back, back to the island, back to a reality no less harsh than his dreams.

Staggering, stumbling, he carried on running, his lungs screaming in painful protest at the lack of air they received. But he wasn't concerned about that. All he wanted was to get away from the voice echoing cruelly round his head.

_Why don't you just get out of here?_

And then he could hear them all, his brother, Claire, Locke, Jack, Kate, and all they wanted him to do was leave. So he didn't stop. He just kept on running. He ran until his body couldn't take it any more. Spots hovered in front of his eyes, growing and growing until his senses were overrun, his body crumpling to the floor. Finally the voices ceased. Silence.

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A/N: Readers are appreciated, reviews are treasured, so any comments, questions or suggestions, just let me know and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed

Until Next Time….

SmileyHalo


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